I follow a terrific organization on Facebook and Twitter called Pets for Patriots.  They unite two of my passions, pets and veterans.  I strongly encourage you to check them out.  Recently they posed a question, “What have you learned from your dog?”

I treasure my dogs and have learned so very much from them.  But, as I thought about my 12-year old puppy, Harley, (we lost our other 12-year old pup a few months back) I kept coming back to the same thing over and over again… No matter how badly you feel or how many legs are missing from your favorite toy, there is always a reason to be happy.

My precious Harley brings joy to my heart every day.  Whether it’s her morning talk when I awake (she’s part Husky so she “talks” quite a bit) or her incessant tail wagging when I come through the door I immediately smile when I see her.  She hangs out with me in my office and often brings me one of her favorite toys so we can play catch.  She knows when I’m having a bad day and she knows when I’m excited about something.

Harley is not stingy in her joy-giving.  She greets everyone who comes into the house with a wag and a hello.  She lets teens pet and hug her and lets little ones hang around her neck.  She sits quietly next to older folks who are fascinated with her bear-look-alike face as they pat her head and talk to her.  She truly is a special part of our family.

But, Harley does not live without her issues.  First off, she is old.  She’ll be 12 next month which is old for a big dog.  She also has problems with her skin and thyroid as a result of the black mold exposure we shared a few years ago.  In addition, her legs don’t work right.  She was born with deformed legs and as she has gotten older her ability to compensate for the disability has diminished.  She has a hard time getting comfortable and we try to limit the amount of trips she makes up and down the stairs.  She is on pain medication and monitored by our vet.

But Harley never complains.  She has definitely slowed down over the years and can’t do as much as she used to, but she never whines or whimpers.  She never snubs her nose at you when you need cheering up, and she never ignores someone who wants to say hello.

What Harley does do is wag her tail every day, a lot.  She plays with her favorite toys (the filthy cow that won’t come clean even in the wash and the 3-legged frog that crackles when you touch it) and literally bounces in the hallway when she’s excited.  She loves her senior walks to check the mail and she gallops to the front door to go for a longer walk when she sees her leash.  At the mention of her name her tail starts wagging and when asked if she wants a carrot she stands in front of the fridge.

Despite having many reasons to be old and cranky, Harley is one of the happiest dogs I have ever seen.  Her world shifted a few months ago when we moved from NC to CA and lost her brother, but somewhere along the way she must have decided that living a happy life was more important than wallowing in heartache.  Not that the transition was easy, but she made the changes and has kept going.

We can learn a lot from my precious pup.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to overlook the difficulties in life and look for the reasons to be happy and joyful.  Life isn’t always easy, but there are lots of reasons to smile and wag your tail.

It’s been a challenging few weeks.  My 17-year old daughter sustained a concussion last spring.  At the time she had intense migraines that interfered with school, but once we got those under control we thought all was well.  We were wrong.

Over the past few months, with the start of her junior year, we began noticing things that weren’t “quite right.”  To make a long story short, we’ve discovered that the injury to her head and brain was not a minor bump.  There have been some lasting effects – difficulty with learning, processing emotions, processing information, and handling stress.  She has also been suffering from intense migraines on almost a daily basis.

As a result, our daughter’s life has changed.  She used to have a 4.6 GPA and was scheduled to take 9 AP courses before she graduated from high school.  Now she has had to drop all of her advanced classes and is barely holding on at a 3.0 GPA.  She has had to apply for independent study because she has missed a tremendous amount of school.  She (like me) has 3 or more doctor visits each week, is on supplements and medications, and has a home-care routine she must follow daily.

We are working with several professionals on the physical, medical, and educational sides of things to help her get well.  Although we don’t know what the future holds, we have hope that her brain will heal and begin to regain its normal functioning.  However, it’s a process and a long one.

And although we do have hope that Britini will “feel like her old self” at some point, there are days when this process is hard … really hard.

As a parent it is excruciating to see your child go through something you can’t fix.  I wonder if we are doing everything we can to get her the right treatment.  Are we pursuing the best professionals?  Should we be looking for another/a different program?  Should I be fighting the school district for more services?

It also breaks my heart to see her struggle with things that a year ago came naturally to her.  I cry with her over the comments from people who just don’t understand.  And I feel her sadness over the life she has lost.

She’s tired.  It’s hard.  It’s hard to take the pills several times a day.  It’s hard to realize you don’t function like you use to.  It’s hard to admit you can’t do the physical things you could before.  It’s hard to miss the social activities/school because you’re either in too much pain to go or at yet another doctor appt.  It’s hard to try to explain a brain injury over and over.  It’s hard to wonder if you will ever be “normal” again.

Some days are just hard.

It’s especially important during those hard days to not give up – to fight for the future – to be thankful.  Yes, I said be thankful.  I’ve said it before, make a list of the things you are thankful for in the hard situation.  This won’t necessarily make the situation better, but it will help your perspective.  And your perspective impacts your attitude.  Your attitude, your quality of life.

For example, I am thankful for a team of doctors that have a heart for my daughter.  I am thankful for the flexibility in her schedule independent study will bring.  I am thankful I am home and able to help her through this.  I am thankful our environment/weather does not exacerbate her headaches. I am thankful for the brain health she has maintained.  I am thankful for the knowledge that God will use this to make her stronger.

That being said, some days are just hard.  But thankfully, those days don’t have to be every day.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Accept that there will be hard days, but don’t give into the feelings of hopelessness.  Don’t give up.  Look for the things for which you can be thankful and continue to fight.

So, it’s obvious – I am only human.  I know that. I’ve always known that.  Actually, there has never been a time I doubted that fact.  But I used to be a human who could do a lot more.

“Go getter.”  “Driven.”  “High achiever.”  These were words that were used to describe me.  I always did things people told me I couldn’t do.  I danced in the Super Bowl, twice.  I spent 6 weeks in Eastern Europe.  I graduated college with national honors.  I had a successful career.  In fact, by the time I was 28 I had a corner window office.  I was the VP of a very successful outplacement firm.  I was also a single mom supporting myself and my daughter.  I was definitely driven.

But, most of my drive for success came crashing down when I got sick.  I have had to learn that I just cannot do what I used to do.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  And I’ve failed.  And then I’ve tried and failed again.  My body just does not allow me to function on the same level I did several years ago.  I’m coming to terms with that.  I am learning to accept the fact that my To Do List will never be completed and that my business is not moving forward as quickly as I would like.  After all, I can only do so much.  I am only human.

Admittedly, there are days when this frustrates me to no end.  But, there are also days when I have peace about my limitations because I understand the world will not fall apart if I only cross two things off my To Do List and not three.  I also understand that whatever opportunities I am to take advantage of will not disappear just because I am unable to return an email the day I receive it.  I will get to where I am meant to go.  It may just take me a little longer to get there.

I would say that I am still a go-getter and still driven.  I’m just driven by other things now.  Instead of defining success by outward accomplishments, I am redefining it by my commitment to my health, my quality time with my family, and by taking the opportunity to impact lives where I am blessed to have relationships.

I realize this is a foreign concept to most of us, especially Americans.  We so often get our sense of self-worth by what we are able to accomplish, what job we have, what car we drive.  But, as I’ve discovered, all those things are fleeting.  It’s unfortunate that our culture is so determined to base our value on getting things done.  That sets us all up for failure – regardless of the status of our health –  because no one can do it all.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Accept your humanness and the limitations that come with it.  Embrace what you can do and not what you would like to do or even what you used to do.  Life is not about the “but I used to” it is about the “what I can do today.”

I am a huge proponent of play.  In fact, the keynote I most love to deliver is on the importance of play and how it can improve your personal and professional life.  We were designed to play.  Before we can even walk or talk, we play.  And through play we learn how to operate in our world and how to form relationships.

Play is crucial to our wellbeing.

But as adults we tend to cut play out of our lives.  We make excuses, “Play is for children.”  “I don’t have time to play.”  “Playing is a waste of resources.”  The sad fact is that many people don’t even know how to play.  It’s been so long since they engaged in play they don’t even know what it looks like.

On more than one occasion after my Playing Seriously sessions people have come up to me in tears saying they stopped playing years ago.  They each have a different reason why, but the outcome is the same … they are sad, stressed, and missing out on the fun of life.

Play is crucial to a fulfilled life.

This is especially true for those of us who deal with health challenges.  Our lives often revolve around managing our health issues.  Add to that working (if we’re able,) family commitments, and finances and we’re a stressed out bunch.  And we all know stress only makes our health issues worse.  It becomes a vicious cycle.

So, it’s imperative … find the time to play.  I’m not talking about blowing off all your responsibilities for days and weeks on end, but I am taking about taking a break and doing something you enjoy.  Play is different for each one of us and it changes throughout our lives.

Dr. Stuart Brown, Founder, National Institute of Play defines play as “An absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time.”

I love this definition because it illustrates how play can be anything that provides enjoyment.

I try to incorporate play into my life on a daily basis whether I am playing with my dog, writing, reading, working on art projects, taking silly pictures with my daughter, telling funny stories with my husband, sitting and enjoying the ocean, or any host of other activities I like to do.  I also try to take a full day every now and then to just get out and have fun.

Recently a girlfriend and I met at Disneyland for the day and it was magical.  We talked for over 11 hours as we walked around, looked at shops, rode a few rides, found fun places to eat, talked to cast members, took a few pictures, and just spent time together.  What was amazing, but not surprising, is that when we met we were both stressed and tired due to life’s insanity that had taken its toll on us, but when we left we were rejuvenated and light-hearted.

I know people worry about taking time away from their families, but time away often makes you better for your family … better able to handle the stressors of life and better able to meet the needs of daily living.  Play time helps you release tension, refuel, and refocus.

Choose a Better Life™ by taking time to play.  Incorporate some form of play into your life every day and make time for extended play.  If you don’t know where to start, try activities you enjoyed as a child or enlist a friend to help you find something fun.  Once you begin to play you’ll discover more and more things that bring you joy.

Crying is something I struggle with.  Not the ability to cry.  I can cry easily … at a movie, at the thought of a lost animal, even at a good commercial.  But, crying over my circumstances, that’s a different story.

The more difficult a situation is, the more I tend to look for the good in it.  I have learned that my attitude makes all the difference in how I cope with a challenge and how that challenge impacts my life.  And when I look for the good in something I have a good attitude which in turn increases my quality of life.

But something I’ve been learning over the years is that it is also okay to cry over a bad situation.  I used to think that crying meant I didn’t trust God or that I was weak.  Not true.  Crying is a great outlet for truly experiencing the difficulty and then cleansing the mind.  It’s one of the ways our bodies release emotion and tension.  And it’s a great reminder that we are human.

I’m not talking about spending week upon week crying over a situation and falling into the trap of self pity.  That accomplishes nothing of value.  But a good cry every now and then is important.  Don’t stop at a few tears.  Let it out.  Mourn over a loss.  Weep over a deep hurt.  Bawl over a tragedy. Take comfort in knowing that those tears are necessary.  The Bible tells us that even Jesus wept.  And if He can do it, it must be good.

This morning was one of those times for me.  It has been a hellacious past few weeks.  My health has taken an interesting turn and I’m in the process of working with my doctor to adjust my treatment plan.  I’m also being sent to several specialists for more testing to “rule things out.”  My daughter’s head injury (last Spring she got a concussion) has not only not healed, but seems to be getting worse with increasing migraines and decreasing learning ability.  This has lead us to numerous appointments with multiple doctors and learning specialists.  Top this off with an unexpected surgery for my precious dog and financial constraints and it’s been a challenging time for us.

And this morning was my breaking point.  I started journaling like always listing all the great things I have to be thankful for.  Then I opened my heart and let the tears come.  I love my journal because it is a safe place, an honest place.  Journaling allows me to pour out my heart without editing my words so I can release my emotions and again think clearly.  (So, by the way, do my dearest girlfriends.)

So this morning I cried.  I let go.  I wept and let the tears pour out.  And oh, how much better I felt afterwards.  So much of the tension and stress I had been carrying around was gone.  It was like the release of a fire hydrant.  Emotions burst out, but eventually the tears slowed, my breathing returned to normal and my mind cleared.  I took a shower and came back to my journal ready to again list all the great things about my life.  My list was long and it continues to grow as I go throughout my day.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to Fight for your Future.  Allow yourself to cry, to mourn, to weep.  Let go of the emotions you are holding inside so you can get to the place of healing and seeing the blessings.

For me, living with a chronic illness sometimes feels like I’m a tiny infant standing before a mean and ugly giant.  It feels like I am defeated before I even begin.  Like there is no possible way I can beat this monster.  Ah, but there is!

Every day I don’t give in to defeat I claim victory.  Some days this is easier than others.  Some days I can go about my day as almost “normal.”   Bu there are other days when I have to muster every ounce of strength and faith to know that victory is possible.

Here are a few tips and tricks I’ve found to win daily victory over this nasty giant.  I hope you will find them helpful to you as well.  Obviously you need to modify them to fit your needs and personal situation.

Find a supporter.  Before I moved across the country I was blessed with a beautiful relationship.  I met once a week with a wonderful woman who was both an encourager and a safe place for me.  She was wise and gracious, gentle and strong. She would allow me to vent and share anything that was difficult and then she would lovingly get me back on the right track.  And one of the most amazing things about this woman was that she allowed me to be an encouragement and support to her as well.

I knew that no matter how I was feeling, Donna would be faithful to meet with me weekly and pray for me daily.

Always take a positive step.  Regardless of how difficult the day is you need to take at least one step forward … one positive step toward healing.  During my most difficult times that step was a small one; I would take a shower.  No matter how badly I felt, a shower would always make me feel a bit better.  It would give me the energy I needed to refocus and take my medications.  There were many days when that small step was the only step I could take that day, but at least it was a positive one and it gave me pride in knowing I had not been defeated.

Dress well.  I’m not talking about wearing expensive clothes or keeping up on the newest trends.  I’m talking about dressing like you feel well.  When you feel sick it is easy to put on sweats to be comfortable.  But what I’ve found is that when you dress dumpy, you feel dumpy and when you feel dumpy you act dumpy.  So, take a few minutes to get dressed, even if it’s in jeans.  Put on clothes that make you feel good about yourself.

One of my “tricks” is to wear bright colors.  In fact, the worse I feel the brighter the colors I tend to wear.  I have several orange, salmon and hot pink shirts and sweaters that I love.  Not only do the colors themselves perk me up, but I often get compliments when I wear them.  It’s amazing what a simple, “You look pretty” comment from someone can do for you when you feel anything but pretty.

Find your mental therapy.  Find the thing you can do independently of others that helps bring you peace.  It can be anything, taking a bath, going on a walk, reading a book, anything that works for you.  My mental therapy comes in two forms, my journal and the ocean.

I try to journal each day, more often when I’m frustrated or feeling poorly.  It is amazingly therapeutic and gives me a safe venue to get out my feelings and refocus on the positive.  It’s also a great recording of my journey.  I can look back and see the progress I’ve made over the years and relive the victories I’ve experienced.

My other form of mental therapy is watching the ocean.  I get lost in watching the ocean. It is incredibly soothing and relaxing; putting me in almost a tranquil state.  The endless ocean also reminds me how massive and powerful God is and how small and weak my health challenges are.  It’s a great perspective.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Don’t give in to the monster.  Choose daily victory and defeat the giant one step and one day at a time.

Here are a few of my recent ocean pictures.

Standing at the tide pools not far from my home.

Taken from the underwater observation pod of a catamaran just a few miles off shore.   (By the way, if you are ever in Southern California one of the most wonderful experiences is with an organization called Captain Dave’s Dolphin and Whale Watching Safari  (www.dolphinsafari.com.)   I’ll post video from my recent excursion with them shortly, but if you get the opportunity to go out with them, take advantage of it.)

Another picture taken from the bow of Captain Dave’s catamaran.

I find that one of the most challenging things about having a chronic illness is simply being sick and not being able to do all the things I want to do.  I know, that sounds like it would be a given, but I’m not talking about feeling well enough to clean my house or take up Tae Bo again, although I do look forward to those things too.  I’m talking about changing the world.

I’m talking about traveling to Third World countries to deliver shoes and build water wells.  I’m talking about going to the Gulf Coast to help build houses for those who are still devastated from Hurricane Katrina.  I’m talking about going to African orphanages to love on children who need a hug.  I want to use my life to serve others.

I want to get to the end of my life, whenever that is, knowing that I didn’t waste my time here on this earth.  Quite simply, I want to change the world and I will not be satisfied until I do.

So for me, dealing with this illness that takes so much of my time, energy, and finances can be frustrating.  There are days when I feel like a bump on a log.  Days when I feel like I haven’t made an impact on anybody.

But, one of the great lessons in this health journey is that I am learning to live in the moment.  I am confident that one day, I will get well.  I will most likely never go back to “normal” living because I will probably always have to take supplements, watch my diet very closely, and get occasional treatments, but I know that at some point this season of heightened medical issues will end.  And when it does, I want to be ready for whatever comes next.

I’m learning that the best preparation for what comes next is in gaining as much from this current season of life as possible.  Just as I don’t want to get to the end of my life and not have made a difference, I don’t want to get to the end of this season and not have learned every possible lesson from every possible moment.

So, I’m trying to stay focused on the here and now.  Yes, I have goals and plans and dreams for the future, but I can’t allow those visions to rob me of the joys and lessons of today.  I want to fully experience each day.  If I am at the tide pools looking at starfish with my daughter and nephew I want to feel the warmth from the sun on my back, smell the salty pungent seaweed, acknowledge the goose bumps on my skin as the cold ocean rushes over my legs, and hear the seagulls as they fly overhead.

In the same way, if I’m sitting in my favorite chair with my blanket listening to music because I am too sick to do anything else I want to notice the rays of sunlight as they stream past my window, and hear the words of the songs playing allowing them to sink into my soul.  I want to taste the flavors of ginger and lemon in my homemade brew.  And honestly, I want to feel what it feels like to be sick so I’m motivated to do all I can to get well.

Choose a Better Life ™ by living in the moment.  Be present in the present.  Don’t focus so much on the future that you miss out on the joys and lessons of today.  We only get one opportunity to live this life milk every moment for all that it can give you.

I’m in an interesting season right now.  Although it’s been almost 6 months since we relocated to Southern California I am still not plugged into my community.  My medical commitments take up a great deal of my time.  The rest of my time is spent taking care of my family and then, if I have energy and time left over I work on relaunching my business.  Needless to say, I’ve not been able to get to know anyone in the immediate area.

So, lately I’ve felt a bit isolated.  Although I wave at some of my neighbors I’ve not been included in the neighborhood gatherings and I’ve not been able to establish friendships here … yet.  I’m also not involved in any of the community events.  In the past, my husband, Chuck, and I have been smack dab in the middle of events, hosting them, connecting people, organizing fundraisers, etc.  But for this season my focus has had to be elsewhere and this has left me feeling a bit lonely and unproductive.

Recently Chuck and I had the opportunity to see It’s a Wonderful Life on the big screen at a local movie theater.  It was a great experience and there was not a dry eye in the house.  On the way home I made the comment that it would be great to have an opportunity like George Bailey – to be able to see the lives of people you have impacted.  My husband immediately began listing things I have done in the past to make a difference.  Although I greatly appreciated his words, I kept thinking, “Yes, but I’m not doing anything now.”

Later that night as I was lying in bed I began thinking about the night before.  The night before was my daughter’s 17^th birthday party and we had 20 teenagers in the house.  She had met these kids at both church and school so many of them did not know each other, but they had a fantastic time.  It was great to stand back and hear the chatter and laughter and music.

I did not know many of the kids, but of the ones I knew there was one with mild autism, a football player who had never been invited to a party before – ever, a girl who sleeps on the floor and feels unloved by her parents, a boy in remission from cancer, and several kids new to the area.  And yet, all of these kids got along and enjoyed each other.

At the party we introduced the kids to several things including: a crazy-picture photo station (we had a separate area with a sheet for a backdrop and a bucket of fun props,) flashlight tag at the nearby park, and quiche.

Several of the kids who attended are in the performing arts so near the end of the evening there were two guitars and kids singing everything from We will Rock You to the Hallelujah Chorus.  ALL the kids were singing, even the ones who don’t perform or sing particularly well.  The kids were everywhere, sitting on the stairs, standing around the living room and dining room, sitting on the arms of the couches, sitting on the floor … everywhere.

Both throughout the evening and the next day Britini, my daughter, got a ton of comments.  One of my favorites was, “This is just good wholesome fun.  I love it!  Can we do this again?”  Many of the kids asked if they could just come back and hang out throughout the year.

Over the next several days Britini and I talked about the party.  She said that since she has grown up with me it was just normal, but that many of the kids didn’t know what it was like to take silly pictures, be crazy and just have fun.  She then asked if it was okay if our house was established as the “hang-out house.”  Of course it is.

So, as I was in bed thinking about the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, I realized that even though I may not be making an impact like I would like to be, just by embracing the opportunities I do have, in this case opening our home to a bunch of kids, I can still help change peoples’ lives.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to embrace the people around you.  You never know how a small act of kindness from you can change the world of another person.

In my Choose a Better Life ™ blog I wrote about embracing the process (and the people) of a task instead of being focused solely on the end result.  I realize that that is often easier said than done.  We are so focused on end results that at best, we barrel through the process ignoring life lessons along the way; at worst, we become self-absorbed and hurt people in our path.

This is especially true when the process is on-going and difficult.  I know.  I’ve been in the process of “getting well” for over 5 years now.

Not only have I had to reorder my priorities and time commitments, but I’ve also had to reorder my thought life, my energies, and my expectations.  In addition to my doctor visits (a minimum of 3 visits each week with an average visit lasting 3 hours) I have had to restructure each day.  I take supplements/medications five times a day, I make meals from scratch, I make my own juice and snacks, I have physical therapy exercises/stretches to do each day, and I have physical limitations that get in the way of what I want to accomplish.

Admittedly there are moments when I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of making concessions to this illness that has taken over so much of my time.  But I’ve learned that it is in these moments that I have to be the most diligent.  It is my reactions in these moments that define my character and define my future.

It would be very easy to let the anger and frustration build and to become bitter.  But if I did that, I’d be robbing myself of the joy that can come from heartache.  It is in these moments that I fight for my future because I understand that what I do today has a direct impact on the quality of my tomorrow.  If I allow the negative emotions to control my thoughts, they then control my actions.  And if I begin veering from my routine I not only begin losing the progress I’ve made, but it makes compromising my actions tomorrow that much easier.  And then the downward spiral has begun.

So, how do I fight for my future in these moments?  I pray, I journal, and I begin listing all the great things that have come as a direct result of this painful process.  There have been many.  For one, I have learned that relationships are far more important than almost anything else in life.  I am much quicker to invest the time and energy in relationships now than I was 5 years ago.  Secondly, I have learned to depend on my husband in ways I would not have had I stayed on the career path I traveled when we were married.  Thirdly, I have a very sweet relationship with my youngest daughter because I have been home and been able to spend quality time with her.  She is 17 and truly one of the people I love to hang out with most.

I could go on with my list, but I will save that for another time.

But dealing with chronic illness is my difficult process.  Yours may be something all together different.  You may be dealing with long-term unemployment, an ill child, a struggling career, or any number of other things that require your daily attention.  Whatever process you are in, you have a choice.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to fight for your future.  Let go of the negative thoughts and feelings that would only work to hinder your progress and choose to embrace the process and find the positive.  Your actions today have a direct impact on the quality of your life tomorrow.