In terms of my health -  medications and supplements are constantly being adjusted as the nausea is so bad it’s hard to eat, the headaches are daily, my arms and legs randomly start hurting and then fall asleep even while I’m walking, but the rest of me can’t seem to sleep no matter what I do.  The doctor says I’m so toxic that my normal protocol is no longer working so he wants to try something new. And, I’ve recently had to switch to old-lady multifocal contact lenses! (According to my eye doctor that has nothing to do with my health issues, but everything to do with being over 40, but still it stinks.)

As far as my daughter, well … things there are just really really hard.  Lots of doctors.  Lots of medications.  Lots of assessments.  Lots of questions.  And of course, lots of anxiety for both her and my Mom’s heart.

So, this is a difficult season for all of us.

But in the midst of this there are always times of encouragement.  A recent afternoon was one of those times.

My husband and I got to meet a new friend, Jared, from Raleigh, NC.   Jared was visiting CA with Steve, another friend of ours from Raleigh.  They are here for a few weeks visiting friends and family and enjoying some of the great things CA has to offer.  We had such a wonderful time with these two men just sitting and chatting over lunch.  Then we went back to our house and chatted for a few more hours.

Steve has one of the best jobs in the world; he’s a dog trainer, so we love to hear his stories.  But we also talked about families, cool cars, sky diving, and just about anything else that came to mind.  It was a wonderful afternoon filled with great conversation; one that I look forward to repeating when the opportunity presents itself.

When I caught up with my husband, Chuck, Steve and Jared at lunch I was on my back from the doctor.  It was a rather short doctor visit for me, only 1 ½ hours because I had cancelled the first 2 hour segment.  I had had a very rough night and the time at the doctor’s office was very difficult as well.  But time with friends is always an instant spirit lifter and this was no exceptions.  There was also an instant affinity with Jared.

Jared has lung cancer.  You wouldn’t know it by looking at him or even talking to him.  He has a great attitude.  In fact, he was here at the beach riding bikes and enjoying the wonderful weather.  But I know he struggles with bad days just as he has good days.  I also found out after he left that he had brain surgery a few weeks ago because the cancer had spread to his brain as well.  But again, by talking to him you’d never know.  He is an amazing guy and such an encouragement to be around.

One of the things that made me smile was just a quick comment he made when he got to my house.  We were all sitting at our kitchen table and he pointed out my pile of lemons on the counter and the pieces of ginger sitting next to it.  He knew exactly what that was for – tea to help with nausea and detoxification.  That’s not something someone would normally pick up on, unless you have struggled with illness.

I am never happy when I meet someone who struggles with illness.  That is not something I wish for anyone.  But there is always an affinity between people who share this battle.  There is something comforting in being able to share the strange things we do for our health, the things that no one else would understand.  And there is something immensely encouraging in knowing you do not stand alone in this fight. Even though your illness may look differently than the person’s standing next to you, just knowing there is someone standing next to you often gives you the strength to continue on with the fight.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for your Future.  Don’t fight alone.

Thanks to Elissa James at Elissa James Designs my Choose a Better Life™ and Fighting for the Future™ sites have awesome new logos. And they are so much more than just a simple design in the corner of my site.

So, what do they mean?

Well, for the Choose a Better Life™ logo you’ll have to read the specifics in that blog post on Thursday, March 29th. But, I’ll give you a hint, they go hand in hand.

I wanted logos that shared a message and told a story. Logos that truly stood for something. I believe Elissa and I achieved that. Here’s the story …

Each of us has a beautiful intricate heart that we fill with a treasure trove of things, memories, emotions, pains, joys, dreams, etc. And we choose what goes into our hearts, what we store inside. When we open our heart a flood pours out. Hopefully that flood is passion for something.

When it comes to chronic illness my passion is in choosing to Fight for my Future. I choose to stand in solidarity with those who fight with me. I choose to fight and not give in. I refuse to let my illness be the thing that defines my life. I choose to be strong even on days when I feel like giving up. And I choose to maintain my power and dignity in the face of changes I may not be able to completely control.

As I’ve always said, “I may not always be able to control what happens to me, but I can always control how I respond to what happens to me.”

My new logos are not just logos for my websites, they are logos for my life.

Coffee enemas, hot-oil intestinal compresses, liver cleanses, hot-metabolism cocktail drinks, master cleanses, laser therapy.  I have done a lot of odd things in my quest to get healthy and I’m sure I’ll do a lot more.

Several years ago I switched from traditional medicine to alternative medicine for treatment of my chronic health challenges.  The decision was fairly easy.  After many doctors, lots of different medications and a plethora of tests I got tired of hearing the words, “There is nothing we can do for you.”  Thankfully I had, at one time, a traditional doctor who not only understood, but also valued the world of alternative medicine.  He was honest with me when he said I’d never get well if I continued with traditional Western medicine.

This is not to say that Western medicine is not wonderful.  It is.  It has saved countless lives and I still rely on my traditional doctor for certain things.  But for me, since I have seen tremendous improvement in my health since I began pursuing alternative treatments I will stick with a holistic approach to healing.

But holistic and alternative medicine does ask me to do some weird things.  At least things that seem to be weird to those of us living in the US.  As I’ve discovered, to many people around the world these practices are very normal and are not questioned.   Unfortunately there are times when my Western brain hears what my doctor is saying and slams on the breaks, “Excuse me?  Um, you want me to do what?”

So, in order for me to be able to do the things my doctor wants me to do I need to trust him.  And in order to trust him I need to KNOW that he has my best interest at heart.  I need to KNOW he has a plan and he is doing what he can to get me well.  And I need to KNOW that he has gotten results before and that I am not just a guinea pig on which to try new things.

I also need to be able to trust that my doctor will listen to me and hear what I am saying.  I need to have confidence that my fears and questions, in addition to my health concerns, are addressed.  I need to feel that my doctor’s office is a safe place because there are definitely days when I am frustrated with my progress and I need to be able to vent and cry and then be encouraged to keep on going.

For those of us who deal with chronic illness and deal with doctors on a regular basis the doctor/patient relationship is one of the most important in our lives.  At the moment, I spend more time at my doctor’s office each week than I do on work.  I talk to my doctor more than I talk to my mom.  I know ever staff member at my doctor’s office and have even met some of their spouses.  I am at the doctor’s so often that I even know the parking attendants by name!

Regardless of which approach you take in your journey to healing and optimal health (alternative or traditional) one thing is certain, you must trust your doctor.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for your Future.  Take the time to look for a good doctor.  Ask for referrals.  Read reviews online.  Ask questions of the staff.  And if you meet with a doctor with whom you are not comfortable don’t be afraid to change doctors.  This is your medical care, your health, your future.  Take the time to find a medical practice where you feel comfortable and feel that your best interests will be served.

So when I say the stress over the past few months has taken me to the point of feeling like I’m about to lose my mind, I’m not kidding.  There have been times when I’ve felt like my head was going to explode.  Times when I just could not process another thing, could not handle another phone call, or attend another doctor visit.  Using my daughter’s words I wanted to scream, “I’m done!”  And yet, life goes on and so must I.

So finding the joy in the middle of the insanity and chaos is crucial.  If you’ve read my blog posts before (either here or on Choose a Better Life ™ ) you know I’m a huge proponent of journaling and listing all the things for which you are thankful.  Actually writing these things down does wonders for your psyche and your perspective.

In addition to that though, you’ve got to find things that bring you joy and surround yourself with them.  Place these joy reminders in places where you will see them on a regular basis.

There are lots of things that bring me great joy: my puppy, pictures of friends and family, pictures of places I’ve been, fresh flowers, funky art pieces and USC football are just a few.  But one of the quirky things that makes me smile the most are ducks – rubber ducks and real ducks.  More specifically duck bumbas (bottoms, derrieres, butts).  I just love the feathery little things.

I’m not much of a collector of stuff, but I have a collection of rubber duckies in my bathroom.  Most of them are in a duck net but there are several on the rim of my bathtub and I rotate them out from time to time.  All of my duckies come from someplace specific and most of them were gifts.  And yes, I even put one or two of them in the tub when I take a bubble bath.

When my kids were little we’d go to our neighborhood lake, get duck food and feed the ducks.  We’d have a great time and it was a game to see who could point out the duck bumbas the fastest.  (When ducks dive for food their rear ends stick out of the water.)

I have a pin with a picture of Donald Duck’s bumba (he looks like he is diving under water) that I carry in my wallet with my change.  I see it every time I need to pay for something with a coin and it makes me smile as I remember these times with my girls.

My youngest daughter, now 17, and I were at the Safari Park this last weekend and we spent quite a bit of time with the ducks.  It’s kind of funny when you think that there were a plethora of exotic animals at the Park and we went back to the ducks twice to feed them and take pictures.  Did I mention I love ducks?

Anyway, as we were feeding the ducks and enjoying them I remembered a time in college when my boyfriend broke up with me.  One of my roommates, knowing I needed to “get away,” took me to a local park for a picnic.  While we were there I was surrounded by a flock of ducks who were vying for my food.  As I turned to talk to my roommate one of the ducks grabbed my burger and ran for the pond.  The burger was bigger than his head and he could barely keep himself upright as he waddled off.  I was laughing so hard I forgot I was sad.  Perhaps that was when my love affair with ducks began.

Regardless of when it started, the joy a duck brings me is undeniable.  I love to watch them swim, I love to watch them dive for food and flap their wings to dry off afterwards.  I love to watch them waddle on land as they walk from place to place. Aand of course, I love their cute little feathery bottoms.  They just make me smile.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for your Future.  Find the things that bring you joy and surround yourself with them.  Put them in places where you will see them every day so that every day you smile.

This is often the case for those of us living with chronic illness.  Countless times people have said to me, “But you don’t look sick.  You look fine.”  When they find out I deal with chronic health challenges they are surprised.  I take this as a compliment because I try not to let my health challenges dominate my life.  But, for many people this “disbelief” can be frustrating at best and hazardous at worst.

My daughter, unfortunately, is discovering this now.  Last Spring she sustained a concussion while away at camp.  But because her head injury could not be seen she has run into many incidents of disbelief that have negatively impacted her life.

Due to my daughter’s injury she suffers from frequent, intense, debilitating migraines; a newly developed learning disability; difficulty with focus and attention; and extreme emotional stress.  In addition, she has multiple doctor appointments each week and several medications she takes daily.

Unfortunately her head injury is not visible like a broken arm or the inability to walk.  As a result my daughter is running into many people (peers, teachers, school administrators, etc) who don’t believe she has a legit medical issue.  So, we have to battle to get her the respect she deserves and the appropriate supportive services.

As has been the case with my own health challenges over the years, I don’t believe people are intentionally being mean or spiteful.  In most cases I believe they are just ignorant and too overwhelmed to take the time to become educated.

In situations where peoples’ ignorance is simply an imposition, regardless of how painful their remarks can be, I tend to let it go.  I have enough to deal with on a daily basis that I don’t need to carry around others’ opinions.  I just don’t have the time, energy, or desire to add someone else’s need for education to my To Do List.  But I also understand there are times when we need to fight to educate others.  When someone has authority over part of our lives and their misconception, misinformation, ignorance, or prejudice has a direct impact on our living we need to take a stand.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Discern the difference between irrelevant ignorance and ignorance that negatively impacts your quality of life.  You will never be able to change everyone’s minds nor the way they treat others.  There will always be people who just don’t understand the struggles you face on a daily basis.  Learn to let those people and their opinions go.  But in the cases where someone’s lack of education about your situation has a direct impact on your quality of life, be willing to fight for, and stand up for, your rights.

I treasure my dogs and have learned so very much from them.  But, as I thought about my 12-year old puppy, Harley, (we lost our other 12-year old pup a few months back) I kept coming back to the same thing over and over again… No matter how badly you feel or how many legs are missing from your favorite toy, there is always a reason to be happy.

My precious Harley brings joy to my heart every day.  Whether it’s her morning talk when I awake (she’s part Husky so she “talks” quite a bit) or her incessant tail wagging when I come through the door I immediately smile when I see her.  She hangs out with me in my office and often brings me one of her favorite toys so we can play catch.  She knows when I’m having a bad day and she knows when I’m excited about something.

Harley is not stingy in her joy-giving.  She greets everyone who comes into the house with a wag and a hello.  She lets teens pet and hug her and lets little ones hang around her neck.  She sits quietly next to older folks who are fascinated with her bear-look-alike face as they pat her head and talk to her.  She truly is a special part of our family.

But, Harley does not live without her issues.  First off, she is old.  She’ll be 12 next month which is old for a big dog.  She also has problems with her skin and thyroid as a result of the black mold exposure we shared a few years ago.  In addition, her legs don’t work right.  She was born with deformed legs and as she has gotten older her ability to compensate for the disability has diminished.  She has a hard time getting comfortable and we try to limit the amount of trips she makes up and down the stairs.  She is on pain medication and monitored by our vet.

But Harley never complains.  She has definitely slowed down over the years and can’t do as much as she used to, but she never whines or whimpers.  She never snubs her nose at you when you need cheering up, and she never ignores someone who wants to say hello.

What Harley does do is wag her tail every day, a lot.  She plays with her favorite toys (the filthy cow that won’t come clean even in the wash and the 3-legged frog that crackles when you touch it) and literally bounces in the hallway when she’s excited.  She loves her senior walks to check the mail and she gallops to the front door to go for a longer walk when she sees her leash.  At the mention of her name her tail starts wagging and when asked if she wants a carrot she stands in front of the fridge.

Despite having many reasons to be old and cranky, Harley is one of the happiest dogs I have ever seen.  Her world shifted a few months ago when we moved from NC to CA and lost her brother, but somewhere along the way she must have decided that living a happy life was more important than wallowing in heartache.  Not that the transition was easy, but she made the changes and has kept going.

We can learn a lot from my precious pup.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to overlook the difficulties in life and look for the reasons to be happy and joyful.  Life isn’t always easy, but there are lots of reasons to smile and wag your tail.

Over the past few months, with the start of her junior year, we began noticing things that weren’t “quite right.”  To make a long story short, we’ve discovered that the injury to her head and brain was not a minor bump.  There have been some lasting effects – difficulty with learning, processing emotions, processing information, and handling stress.  She has also been suffering from intense migraines on almost a daily basis.

As a result, our daughter’s life has changed.  She used to have a 4.6 GPA and was scheduled to take 9 AP courses before she graduated from high school.  Now she has had to drop all of her advanced classes and is barely holding on at a 3.0 GPA.  She has had to apply for independent study because she has missed a tremendous amount of school.  She (like me) has 3 or more doctor visits each week, is on supplements and medications, and has a home-care routine she must follow daily.

We are working with several professionals on the physical, medical, and educational sides of things to help her get well.  Although we don’t know what the future holds, we have hope that her brain will heal and begin to regain its normal functioning.  However, it’s a process and a long one.

And although we do have hope that Britini will “feel like her old self” at some point, there are days when this process is hard … really hard.

As a parent it is excruciating to see your child go through something you can’t fix.  I wonder if we are doing everything we can to get her the right treatment.  Are we pursuing the best professionals?  Should we be looking for another/a different program?  Should I be fighting the school district for more services?

It also breaks my heart to see her struggle with things that a year ago came naturally to her.  I cry with her over the comments from people who just don’t understand.  And I feel her sadness over the life she has lost.

She’s tired.  It’s hard.  It’s hard to take the pills several times a day.  It’s hard to realize you don’t function like you use to.  It’s hard to admit you can’t do the physical things you could before.  It’s hard to miss the social activities/school because you’re either in too much pain to go or at yet another doctor appt.  It’s hard to try to explain a brain injury over and over.  It’s hard to wonder if you will ever be “normal” again.

Some days are just hard.

It’s especially important during those hard days to not give up – to fight for the future – to be thankful.  Yes, I said be thankful.  I’ve said it before, make a list of the things you are thankful for in the hard situation.  This won’t necessarily make the situation better, but it will help your perspective.  And your perspective impacts your attitude.  Your attitude, your quality of life.

For example, I am thankful for a team of doctors that have a heart for my daughter.  I am thankful for the flexibility in her schedule independent study will bring.  I am thankful I am home and able to help her through this.  I am thankful our environment/weather does not exacerbate her headaches. I am thankful for the brain health she has maintained.  I am thankful for the knowledge that God will use this to make her stronger.

That being said, some days are just hard.  But thankfully, those days don’t have to be every day.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Accept that there will be hard days, but don’t give into the feelings of hopelessness.  Don’t give up.  Look for the things for which you can be thankful and continue to fight.

“Go getter.”  “Driven.”  “High achiever.”  These were words that were used to describe me.  I always did things people told me I couldn’t do.  I danced in the Super Bowl, twice.  I spent 6 weeks in Eastern Europe.  I graduated college with national honors.  I had a successful career.  In fact, by the time I was 28 I had a corner window office.  I was the VP of a very successful outplacement firm.  I was also a single mom supporting myself and my daughter.  I was definitely driven.

But, most of my drive for success came crashing down when I got sick.  I have had to learn that I just cannot do what I used to do.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  And I’ve failed.  And then I’ve tried and failed again.  My body just does not allow me to function on the same level I did several years ago.  I’m coming to terms with that.  I am learning to accept the fact that my To Do List will never be completed and that my business is not moving forward as quickly as I would like.  After all, I can only do so much.  I am only human.

Admittedly, there are days when this frustrates me to no end.  But, there are also days when I have peace about my limitations because I understand the world will not fall apart if I only cross two things off my To Do List and not three.  I also understand that whatever opportunities I am to take advantage of will not disappear just because I am unable to return an email the day I receive it.  I will get to where I am meant to go.  It may just take me a little longer to get there.

I would say that I am still a go-getter and still driven.  I’m just driven by other things now.  Instead of defining success by outward accomplishments, I am redefining it by my commitment to my health, my quality time with my family, and by taking the opportunity to impact lives where I am blessed to have relationships.

I realize this is a foreign concept to most of us, especially Americans.  We so often get our sense of self-worth by what we are able to accomplish, what job we have, what car we drive.  But, as I’ve discovered, all those things are fleeting.  It’s unfortunate that our culture is so determined to base our value on getting things done.  That sets us all up for failure – regardless of the status of our health –  because no one can do it all.

Choose a Better Life ™ by Fighting for the Future.  Accept your humanness and the limitations that come with it.  Embrace what you can do and not what you would like to do or even what you used to do.  Life is not about the “but I used to” it is about the “what I can do today.”

Play is crucial to our wellbeing.

But as adults we tend to cut play out of our lives.  We make excuses, “Play is for children.”  “I don’t have time to play.”  “Playing is a waste of resources.”  The sad fact is that many people don’t even know how to play.  It’s been so long since they engaged in play they don’t even know what it looks like.

On more than one occasion after my Playing Seriously sessions people have come up to me in tears saying they stopped playing years ago.  They each have a different reason why, but the outcome is the same … they are sad, stressed, and missing out on the fun of life.

Play is crucial to a fulfilled life.

This is especially true for those of us who deal with health challenges.  Our lives often revolve around managing our health issues.  Add to that working (if we’re able,) family commitments, and finances and we’re a stressed out bunch.  And we all know stress only makes our health issues worse.  It becomes a vicious cycle.

So, it’s imperative … find the time to play.  I’m not talking about blowing off all your responsibilities for days and weeks on end, but I am taking about taking a break and doing something you enjoy.  Play is different for each one of us and it changes throughout our lives.

Dr. Stuart Brown, Founder, National Institute of Play defines play as “An absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time.”

I love this definition because it illustrates how play can be anything that provides enjoyment.

I try to incorporate play into my life on a daily basis whether I am playing with my dog, writing, reading, working on art projects, taking silly pictures with my daughter, telling funny stories with my husband, sitting and enjoying the ocean, or any host of other activities I like to do.  I also try to take a full day every now and then to just get out and have fun.

Recently a girlfriend and I met at Disneyland for the day and it was magical.  We talked for over 11 hours as we walked around, looked at shops, rode a few rides, found fun places to eat, talked to cast members, took a few pictures, and just spent time together.  What was amazing, but not surprising, is that when we met we were both stressed and tired due to life’s insanity that had taken its toll on us, but when we left we were rejuvenated and light-hearted.

I know people worry about taking time away from their families, but time away often makes you better for your family … better able to handle the stressors of life and better able to meet the needs of daily living.  Play time helps you release tension, refuel, and refocus.

Choose a Better Life™ by taking time to play.  Incorporate some form of play into your life every day and make time for extended play.  If you don’t know where to start, try activities you enjoyed as a child or enlist a friend to help you find something fun.  Once you begin to play you’ll discover more and more things that bring you joy.

The more difficult a situation is, the more I tend to look for the good in it.  I have learned that my attitude makes all the difference in how I cope with a challenge and how that challenge impacts my life.  And when I look for the good in something I have a good attitude which in turn increases my quality of life.

But something I’ve been learning over the years is that it is also okay to cry over a bad situation.  I used to think that crying meant I didn’t trust God or that I was weak.  Not true.  Crying is a great outlet for truly experiencing the difficulty and then cleansing the mind.  It’s one of the ways our bodies release emotion and tension.  And it’s a great reminder that we are human.

I’m not talking about spending week upon week crying over a situation and falling into the trap of self pity.  That accomplishes nothing of value.  But a good cry every now and then is important.  Don’t stop at a few tears.  Let it out.  Mourn over a loss.  Weep over a deep hurt.  Bawl over a tragedy. Take comfort in knowing that those tears are necessary.  The Bible tells us that even Jesus wept.  And if He can do it, it must be good.

This morning was one of those times for me.  It has been a hellacious past few weeks.  My health has taken an interesting turn and I’m in the process of working with my doctor to adjust my treatment plan.  I’m also being sent to several specialists for more testing to “rule things out.”  My daughter’s head injury (last Spring she got a concussion) has not only not healed, but seems to be getting worse with increasing migraines and decreasing learning ability.  This has lead us to numerous appointments with multiple doctors and learning specialists.  Top this off with an unexpected surgery for my precious dog and financial constraints and it’s been a challenging time for us.

And this morning was my breaking point.  I started journaling like always listing all the great things I have to be thankful for.  Then I opened my heart and let the tears come.  I love my journal because it is a safe place, an honest place.  Journaling allows me to pour out my heart without editing my words so I can release my emotions and again think clearly.  (So, by the way, do my dearest girlfriends.)

So this morning I cried.  I let go.  I wept and let the tears pour out.  And oh, how much better I felt afterwards.  So much of the tension and stress I had been carrying around was gone.  It was like the release of a fire hydrant.  Emotions burst out, but eventually the tears slowed, my breathing returned to normal and my mind cleared.  I took a shower and came back to my journal ready to again list all the great things about my life.  My list was long and it continues to grow as I go throughout my day.

Choose a Better Life ™ by choosing to Fight for your Future.  Allow yourself to cry, to mourn, to weep.  Let go of the emotions you are holding inside so you can get to the place of healing and seeing the blessings.